by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
