please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
