i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
