i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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