He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize