you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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