well I can't set my house on fire every night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
