Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
