i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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