glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
