She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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