see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
