Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can text with my tongue
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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