I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
