It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ketchup is God's man juice
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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