That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
