at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
