so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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