I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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