When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want to make out with him forever
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
