you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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