hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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