You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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