So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
