false alarm. still invincible.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
