I smell stomach acid.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
