I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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