Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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