so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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