walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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