So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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