I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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