Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
