theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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