God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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