please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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