Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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