No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
