He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
