my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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