Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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