so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
