I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Randomize
