how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
