there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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