Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
