A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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