WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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