toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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