she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she smelled like a LAN party
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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