I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
