I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
