my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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