so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
