the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
