im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
