We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
