watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
