Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
