I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
